I was 14 years old when I came to live at Ezekiel Rain. I had been abused and exploited since I was 9 years old, living in multiple temples, children’s homes and massage parlors.
When I arrived, I had many health, emotional, spiritual, sexual and relational struggles. I was afraid to receive or give love; I couldn’t trust anyone, even the people who were helping me.
My healing journey has been a process of understanding myself better. I used to think that I will always be a victim. Now I understand that I have value, much more than the bad things that have been done to me.
During the time when I was being abused, I felt angry, worthless, hopeless, anxious and disgusted with myself. At times, those same feelings come back. Sometimes I have flashbacks and nightmares that make me feel like I’m back in that place being abused or abusing again. The feelings are real, the same as I felt then.
During the healing process I’ve started to feel that I have value, I’m a child of God, worthy of love, one who has been rescued and brought into safety.
At first it was hard to picture God, but then I learned to see God with me all the time and to see the way he heals my heart. It gave me peace; a different feeling than just changing my own thoughts and trying to be strong or healing myself — but knowing my value and the value of life and freedom.
My Ezekiel Rain family has spoken kind words to me in a gentle and accepting way. They have shown me what healthy relationships are like and have walked with me for the last four years as I have healed more and more.
Now I live on my own and go to school and hope to someday work in the medical field. I still miss my Ezekiel Rain family, but we talk a lot and they encourage me and make sure I am safe and reach my goals.
It isn’t easy but I know I have to live one day at a time. God is with me, and I believe my future is good.
— a male trafficking survivor in our RECONNECT Project